Artificial Intelligence Bot for Yahoo/AIM Messenger

I need a very skilled programmer to design and develop a sophisticated and user friendly Artificial Intelligence Bot that will learn how I talk to people on AIM/Yahoo Messenger and then artificially speak back and forth with new people who message me at any given time. This job will consist of some adult-related content so the programmer must be alright with that type of material. Program must be able to recognize when a new instant message comes in, break it down so it understands, and then respond intelligently so it makes sense to the person's questions and comments. I am ONLY looking for someone who has done this type of work before, this is not for beginners. I need this done ASAP and at an affordable price. I'd also like exclusive rights to this bot/program meaning you do not have the authority to resell this to competitors. Please place your bids and tell me how you will take on this project, the time frame, what it will cost, and the turnaround time. Thanks.